Sunday, December 13, 2009

What you see is not the whole story

For a few years after the stroke people used to suggest that I be taken to some hospital where some doctor will cure me in a few months. When asked whether there was a bed with railings and adjustable upper half (which is required for giving feeding), we will be told not to worry about such small things. When asked if there are facilities for attenders to stay, we will be told that it can be arranged. When Jaya will wonder about where to leave Sujit, the refrain will be that it should not be a problem. For everything there will be some such vague answer. But as usual, the devil lies in the details and it will be for Jaya to worry about them.

I think watching me sitting relaxed in the front hall for an hour or two, they perhaps did not realise that Jaya and the nurse had to put in some hours of hard work to make me presentable. If I have to travel at 10 a.m., they will probably have to get up around 5 a.m. in order to get me ready. I myself will not have to do anything more taxing than lying quietly watching TV while I am being pulled this way and that (and getting worried about what all could go wrong).

Once Jaya had to attend her cousin's wedding. The nurse was on leave at the time and was to return on the morning of the wedding. Jaya decided that she will go for the wedding if the nurse returned otherwise she will skip it. One person said that she should not skip the wedding and that if the nurse doesn't return he will stay back. After all, he reasoned, it should not be too difficult to take care of me - I will just be lying on the bed watching TV and giving feeds is easy. Jaya asked him what he will do if I wanted to pass urine or motion. He uttered an 'Oh!' It was the first time it had occurred to him that such unpleasant things were involved. I could see his hitherto 'can do' expression becoming sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought.

Probably, after interacting with me for a brief while, it does not occur to some that looking after me may be a bit like what is often said about legislation and sausages- the outcome is more pleasant to contemplate than the process that went into making it .

1 comment:

  1. hello, been reading your profile and some posts, and kudos to your attitude ! and to jaya too ! i've been a care taker for only 6 monhts - to someone very very loved, and I've always felt that was one of the privileges i was given....
    wishing jaya and you courage and joy in all the little things.